Mary Oliver

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?"

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Grief, Continued

Isn't it odd, that moments of grief seem to occur out of the blue?  I think it's similar to the way children progress through developmental stages, in that a jump from one stage to the next is usually preceded by a perceived regression, if that makes sense.  All this is to say that although I am doing so very well these days, I sometimes stumble into moments of grief.  Yesterday, I drove up to Baltimore, to visit a couple who are preparing to move to Barcelona for the first stage of their retirement, and to pick up a framed print I was buying from them.  I should have expected this to be difficult for a number of reasons, and it was.  Firstly, I only know this couple as a result of being married to Steve, as he went to school with the wife.  But what made the trip even harder was the city itself, as it was full of good memories from when we were happy together.  All of my knowledge of Baltimore comes from visiting there multiple times with Steve, as it is his hometown, and we spent quite a few weekends there, exploring the city together, over the past eleven years.  And this was my first trip back alone.  Even harder, was hearing that he'll be up there next weekend for her going away party with a "plus one".  Someone new, taking my place.  So hard.  

But.  Today is a new day, and I'll be back on track in no time.  I know that I'm grieving for what it used to be, and for what I wanted it to be, rather than what it really was. In other words, I'm grieving for an illusion, and I have to let that go.  And most of the time I do.  But once in awhile, grief catches me by surprise.  



  1. Of course you feel grief my friend, all of those memories mixing together will bring that on. I am glad you are just being good to yourself and feeling what you need to when you need to, no judging yourself, okay?

  2. Yes, it takes a long time to get over a lost love. Ask me how I know. Between my two marriages, I was engaged to a guy I was head over heels with. That took years. Then he went and married a woman from my hometown, someone I grew up. That was weird. I got over it eventually. You will, too.

  3. Grief can certainly be a roller coaster but it is necessary for healing and recovery from any type of loss. It's a time for taking the best care of yourself ever. I'm glad you have your Gracie girl and knitting. My furbabies and the comfort of knitting have seen me thru much loss. Hugs to you.

  4. It is your final paragraph that shows your strength. You are, as they say, now strongest at the broken places. Be proud of yourself and your wisdom.

  5. Sorry it was a rough weekend for you Rose. Glad you realize that what you are grieving is an illusion as you say...doesn't always make it easier, but at least you know the truth. Wishing you peace and comfort.

  6. It sounds like a difficult time, and trip. I am sorry to hear of the feeling of grief that you have been feeling. It is so hard to move on from someone that you had in your life for so long. I hope that with time it gets easier.