Grief, Continued

Isn't it odd, that moments of grief seem to occur out of the blue?  I think it's similar to the way children progress through developmental stages, in that a jump from one stage to the next is usually preceded by a perceived regression, if that makes sense.  All this is to say that although I am doing so very well these days, I sometimes stumble into moments of grief.  Yesterday, I drove up to Baltimore, to visit a couple who are preparing to move to Barcelona for the first stage of their retirement, and to pick up a framed print I was buying from them.  I should have expected this to be difficult for a number of reasons, and it was.  Firstly, I only know this couple as a result of being married to Steve, as he went to school with the wife.  But what made the trip even harder was the city itself, as it was full of good memories from when we were happy together.  All of my knowledge of Baltimore comes from visiting there multiple times with Steve, as it is his hometown, and we spent quite a few weekends there, exploring the city together, over the past eleven years.  And this was my first trip back alone.  Even harder, was hearing that he'll be up there next weekend for her going away party with a "plus one".  Someone new, taking my place.  So hard.  

But.  Today is a new day, and I'll be back on track in no time.  I know that I'm grieving for what it used to be, and for what I wanted it to be, rather than what it really was. In other words, I'm grieving for an illusion, and I have to let that go.  And most of the time I do.  But once in awhile, grief catches me by surprise.