Mary Oliver

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?"

Friday, September 30, 2016

Finding My Way Again

My week at school was going fairly well until Thursday; I had to attend a meeting about teacher observations and for some reason, I found myself having a panic attack about it. Now, understand that I'm in my 20th year of teaching and have been observed countless times, and other than my first year of nervousness, I've handled observations just fine. In fact, I have always welcomed and often invited administrators into my classroom over the years, but for some reason this year I'm dreading it. I'm sure the fact that I'm going through a divorce isn't helping, but it still took me by surprise. By Thursday evening, when I met my knit group, I was in tears, so I decided that I needed some mental health time on Friday. I love my first block, and my second block is my planning time, so I put in for a half day, to avoid my difficult blocks for a day. Most of my third block was coming in as I was leaving, and oddly enough, they seemed disappointed that I wouldn't be there.

It was a great decision. I went to the library and browsed, then went to a coffee shop for tea, graded a set of papers, and did some long range lesson planning. I was able to meet up with Melissa at another coffee shop after she got off work to chat and knit, then came home and cleared out some trash from the garage. The rest of this evening has been spent sitting on the couch and reading. I feel so relaxed and am looking forward to doing some work in my house this weekend. My parents are coming over tomorrow for some homemade apple pie and I'm also hoping to take a walk on the beach. I guess my point is that I'm taking care of myself.

My shawl is coming along nicely. I've stopped following the pattern and am just switching between lace and garter whenever I feel like it.


Oh, and I did manage to get to BaaBaa Sheep, my local yarn shop, on Tuesday afternoon for an Anzula trunk show, and used a gift certificate to buy a beautiful skein of worsted weight yarn. The color is called Persimmon, a perfect autumnal name. I'm thinking a pair of hand mitts would be wonderful with this, what do you think?

I caught Gracie looking out of the kitchen window one morning as I was getting ready for work. She looked very intent on something.

This photo looks like she's winking, but it's because her eye gets weepy sometimes, especially early in the morning.

I swear she looks like she's smiling in this picture.

This last one was taken just now, in her favorite location: right beside my pajama-clad knee, on the arm of the couch, while I was reading.

She's such a love bug. Hope you all have a lovely weekend. And do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.



  1. I have anxiety attacks and often they are at times that have never bothered me before. I found that doing what you did helps most of all.

    Your shawl is looking so lovely. And anytime there are pictures of sweet Gracie, I'm on board. :-)

    Have a nice relaxing weekend.

  2. I am so glad you are listening to your body and your emotions and taking care of yourself. Do not be hard on yourself Rose, be gentle and love yourself just like you love others.

  3. Thank you both for your kind words; I'm sharing this journey in an attempt to be honest. Women so often put ourselves last and we need to take better care of ourselves. Hopefully this reminds those who read my blog, as I've been reminded by reading other women's words. Peace to us all.

  4. I have had so many panic attacks this fall -- many of which have woken me up in the middle of the night. I'm sure that your divorce is a factor with you. I think you are much more comfortable with your job than I am. I love my new school, but the workload is staggering and I'm really afraid I can't do it!

    1. That's exactly why I'm panicking; for the first time I'm wondering if it has all gotten to be too much and yet I have no other options! I'll just keep sharing my struggles and hoping for improvement. I know I am so fortunate to have friends and family who are supportive so I'll try to focus on that. Hang in there too!

  5. I think sometimes any setbacks in our lives cause us to unconsciously Second Guess ourselves in all arenas. You did the right thing to step back and employ some Radical Self-Care. Doing For Ourselves has to become a priority more often.

    Thank you for sharing your journey this way. You are likely helping far more people than you know.

  6. I'm firm believer in what I call "mental health days" and I even remember talking with a woman business owner decades ago who had built those types of days into time off for her employees. Love your pictures of Gracie - she is such a beautiful cat.