Loose Ends

I find myself at loose ends these days.  This often happens to me on summer break; without a schedule, I tend to let the days slip by without a plan, in part, as a way to rest and relax.  But after a bit, I usually start feeling a little blue.  This summer is the first summer I have ever lived completely alone, and when I think about it in those terms, I am doing pretty well.  And yet, there are times when I'm so apathetic and listless, that I worry that I'm not coping as well as it seems.  I can't decide if I should put more structure in my days or if floating along is what I need.  I have been reading quite a bit, and continue to do a little yard work most days, but I haven't committed to doing any major projects around the house like I had planned.  I'm not closing myself off from my friends and family, but I'm definitely not as social as I was.  As an example, this is the first summer since I moved in nine years ago, that I haven't actively invited friends and coworkers over for Beach Fridays, and I can't really say why.  I have had a very few close friends come over for beach time, the ones who are close enough to invite themselves, and I've enjoyed it, but I just don't feel like doing the hostess thing.  So much has been written about the curated on-line selves we present, that I thought it was important to be honest about some of the not so pretty stuff.  Thanks for listening.  Now on to the pictures.

 

This is a rose from one of the bushes I pruned last week; I have a couple of these antique bottles and was happy to have a reason to use one of them.  

 I'm not sure if I've ever posted a photo of this part of my front yard before, but I took this picture after pruning this tree.  Again, I really wish I had a before photo, as this tree was a beast.  I don't know what it is, but I call it a weeping holly because prior to my pruning it, its branches hung down to the ground like a weeping willow.  This is the first time I've ever seen the ground around it!

 

Melissa went to Colorado and Wyoming last month, and brought back this tea towel from a vintage shop.  I think it's adorable.

 

 I finished the Playground Shawl for my friend; this is a picture of it before blocking.

 

 

 

And this is how it grew after blocking.  I was amazed at the size, until I checked my yardage again and realized I had used 680 yards of yarn.  

         

 And in an effort to work from my stash, I cast on another shawl right away.  This will be much smaller, as it's a single skein shawl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Gracie continues to enjoy sitting near me as much as possible while she naps, often on the arm of the couch.

 

 

And sometimes, she rests her tiny head on my knee.

 

But usually she loves to scrunch down on the back of the couch where it's a cushier place to snuggle.  

 

Hoping you are well and keeping as cool as you can in this hot, dry summer we're having.  And thanks again for stopping by.

My Summer Garden

My yard has been getting the majority of my time and energy this week, in part because it needs the attention, but mostly because I'm enjoying my time digging in the dirt.  

I took photos one morning of everything that is flowering at the moment, and it surprised me how many different blooms I had.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sadly, the zucchini plants seem to be stunted; one already died off (too much rain at the wrong time, maybe) but maybe this one will pull through.  

 

 I started to dust the large bookshelf in the living room last Friday night, and ended up "konmari-ing" it, which means I pulled every single book off of every single bookcase.  I took a photo, mid process:

 I have three bookcases in the living room, one in the sunroom, and one in my bedroom, plus the cookbook shelf in the kitchen, and the bookcase for yarn and craft books in the yarn room.  I finally finished on Sunday morning.  

 

I finally made it to the beach a couple of times; it is so relaxing to sit under my umbrella and chat with a friend or two, especially if there's a nice breeze.  Beach time means I've been able to knit a couple of washcloths for my gift closet.  

 

I'm almost finished with the Playground Shawl; I've enjoyed this pattern, as it's an easy one to remember, but being able to switch from garter to lace whenever I want keeps it interesting as well.

 

 When I'm not in the yard, I've been reading quite a bit; despite all the books I own, there's not much I love more than going to the library and checking out a big stack of books.  I just finished The Summer Before the War, which I loved.  It's a satisfyingly long read, set in pre-WWI England.  I've tried to watch a couple of series so I can knit, but nothing is keeping my interest lately.  I really need to try out some of the many podcasts I've heard about and see if I like them.

 

  

 

Gracie thinks I should sit on the couch with her a little more often.  She's looking a little judgy here, don't you think?

New Routine

 

 

School finally finished up last week; I feel like I took my time storing my things this year, in the hopes that the new year will be less stressful and more organized.  I also brought home some of my unit plan binders, so that I can plot out what I'd like to do while I have more time to think.  Of course, I always think I'll do this, but this summer my situation really is different, so I'm hopeful.

 

Meanwhile, I've been doing some yard work.  It turns out that I actually love weeding; I think it's very meditative and therapeutic, but I also love how visible and immediate the results are.  That being said, I also am trying to minimize the amount of upkeep I need to do, so I changed this little area last week.  The space at the front left of the photo is a little extension of the large flower bed; it was a little section of weedy grass that I turned into a bed a few years ago, but the gate caught on the edging every time I opened it.  Instead of weeding and mulching it yet again, I dug an inch or two down to remove all the weed/grass roots, poured a layer of sand, and then used river rocks as edging and hardscape.  I liked it so much, I decided to do the same with the strip of unnecessary grass along the deck, the length of the driveway strips.    I plan to continue to add and widen so that the area to the garage door, just to the right of the picture, is done this way, but as it's a bit pricey, I'm taking my time with it.  I really like it though.  

 

Surprisingly, I haven't been to the beach much at all. This picture was taken before the last week of school, and it's the last time I was there.  Of course, it's probably the last nice day we've had, as it seems like every day is cloudy and/or rainy.  

 

 

Gracie has begun begging for belly rubs, by throwing herself on any available rug. This one is in the bathroom, and this picture reminds me that replacing the ugly linoleum is another home improvement project I'd like to do this summer.

I took this picture this morning, as Gracie and I took our time getting up.  It's safe to say that we both enjoy the slower pace of summer.

 

 

 

 

 

It's Almost Summer Break!

I can't believe it, but another school year is coming to an end.  Thursday is my final day with students until September!  I have to say, this semester has been a fabulous one, so I'm kind of sad for it to end, although I will enjoy my time off.  I started going through the stuff in my classroom last week in an effort to pack it all up in a more organized way, and to get rid of the stuff I no longer want or need, so I feel like I'm in a good place.  

I finally got back in my yard this week as well; apparently, the month of May was the rainiest one on record, which meant that the weeds got out of control, and I was out of the routine of doing yard work.  I decided to cut the grass after work on Thursday, as the temperature was in the low sixties, and I did some of the trimming with the weed whacker last night.  I spent a couple of hours weeding the flower beds today, but although I have quite a bit more to do, it's going to have to wait.  I'm going to sit on the beach with a friend tomorrow as a reward for all my hard work, and to make sure I'm not exhausted on Monday.

I put the cages around the tomatoes; still don't know how to tell when this variety is ripe.

 

Zucchini blossom

 

Eggplant blossom

 

I went to the Chrysler Museum for a little while this morning to celebrate Knit in Public day, along with quite a few people from my local yarn shop, Baa Baa Sheep, and the Tidewater Knitting Guild. It's a great space, with lots of natural light.  

 

I wish I had taken a picture of my shawl there instead of at home, in artificial light, on the messy chair, but there you go.

 

I think I'm nearly done with this, but I'm not sure.  I have a hard time estimating how much yarn I have left, and I want to use it all up.  I am enjoying the pattern, even if I'm not knitting particularly fast.  I need to break out the cotton yarn for beach dish cloth knitting.

Gracie continues to photogenic.

 I think she sleeps in the oddest positions!

 

Hope you all are well and I hope my posts get a little more interesting! Maybe once I'm a little less tired?

And Now, the Gratitude

Such wonderful, kind words from you all.  Thank you so much.  My week has been very busy, as the school year comes to a close. So many deadlines! Every email is marked Urgent! State testing every day! The stress level is palpable around this time, especially at the high school level. I received my 20 year service pin this week too, which is kind of mind blowing.  I cannot believe it has been that long since I started this career.  And although this profession seems undervalued and under attack, I can't imagine myself doing anything else.  I am so very fortunate to have the privilege of working with young people, because even though it can be frustrating at times, it is also amazing to be able to do such creative work on a daily basis.  It keeps me on my toes and always learning something new, either about a topic or about myself.  

I drove to Richmond yesterday to meet up with Stephanie for the first time since her return from her teaching stint in France.  It was wonderful visiting with her and catching up face-to-face.  We ate at Kuba, Kuba, one of my favorite Richmond restaurants, then walked around the Fan District for a bit.  The traffic on I64 was terrible but that's pretty normal for a summer Saturday.  

 

I have been walking on the weekends, although not on the beach for some reason.  Instead, I've been driving to nearby neighborhoods and parking the car, so I can explore new places.  I spotted this heron on my walk last Sunday, in the neighborhood near the Hermitage Museum.  Norfolk has a lot of wetland areas, which makes the scenery more interesting, I think.

 

 

I need to stay home and catch up on the yard work as I've been "running the roads" too much, as my mother-in-law used to say, but I guess the weeds will wait for me.  

 Finally, Gracie, sunning in one of her favorite spots: the beat up dresser I use in the kitchen to store napkins, dish towels, and tablecloths.  

 

The two windows make it a perfect spot for monitoring the birds and wandering neighborhood cats.  Unless she's posing for her photo session, that is.

Grief, Continued

Isn't it odd, that moments of grief seem to occur out of the blue?  I think it's similar to the way children progress through developmental stages, in that a jump from one stage to the next is usually preceded by a perceived regression, if that makes sense.  All this is to say that although I am doing so very well these days, I sometimes stumble into moments of grief.  Yesterday, I drove up to Baltimore, to visit a couple who are preparing to move to Barcelona for the first stage of their retirement, and to pick up a framed print I was buying from them.  I should have expected this to be difficult for a number of reasons, and it was.  Firstly, I only know this couple as a result of being married to Steve, as he went to school with the wife.  But what made the trip even harder was the city itself, as it was full of good memories from when we were happy together.  All of my knowledge of Baltimore comes from visiting there multiple times with Steve, as it is his hometown, and we spent quite a few weekends there, exploring the city together, over the past eleven years.  And this was my first trip back alone.  Even harder, was hearing that he'll be up there next weekend for her going away party with a "plus one".  Someone new, taking my place.  So hard.  

But.  Today is a new day, and I'll be back on track in no time.  I know that I'm grieving for what it used to be, and for what I wanted it to be, rather than what it really was. In other words, I'm grieving for an illusion, and I have to let that go.  And most of the time I do.  But once in awhile, grief catches me by surprise.  

     

Simple Pleasures

I have spent the last six months or so adjusting to my new status of living alone, and while there have been days that were difficult, it has been a positive experience for the most part. At first, it felt important to make some obvious changes, like cleaning out stuff Steve left behind, and rearranging some furniture, but lately I feel like I've started to make changes that go a little deeper than surface level. It's hard to explain, but one example is my kitchen junk drawer.  It was full of miscellaneous odds and ends and one day I decided to dump everything that wasn't recognizeable or useful to me.  My kitchen has very little storage space as it is, and I was allowing one drawer to be completely wasted just because it had always been designated the junk drawer!  That may seem like a small thing, but it seems symbolic to me in the sense that I allowed myself to decide how to use the space, instead of just maintaining the status quo.   I also took down the dark burgundy bedroom curtains that we had had since we married and bought new white ones, which led to me buying a new pink and white quilt.  Now I've decided that I want to paint my bedroom pink, so I picked out some paint chips last Sunday.  I haven't had a pink bedroom since I was twelve years old, but it is exactly the color I want.   The yard is another area where I feel as if I'm flexing my decision making muscles.  I cut down the tree that was making the back of the garage a mess, had someone in to grind it down and clear out the rest of the debris that had accumulated back there, and now I'm planning to have a load of pea gravel delivered to put around it as a solution to the weedy dead zone it has been ever since I've lived here. I've also been pruning things that have been left overgrown, and created a new flower bed by the front porch, so that now when I come home, I feel a sense of pride in the way it all looks.    

This is one of my cherry tomato plants that is already producing!  I'm not sure how to tell when they're ripe though.

 

 

 

I received my copy of Making in the mail today; it is loaded with gorgeous projects and patterns.  If you think $24 is too expensive, just know that it's well worth it for the knitting patterns alone, and they're only a portion of what's included.  I also ordered a circular Lykke needle, as I've been interested in the idea of a driftwood needle ever since they came out.  I'll let you know how I like knitting with it, as I'm planning on using it with my Playground Shawl.  

I think I mentioned last time that Gracie and I are really enjoying the knitting/yarn room, now that I've finally organized it.  This week it's been so soothing to listen to the rain while I knit, with her either on the chair beside me or behind me, purring away.   

 

She doesn't really like the camera pointed at her; look at this side-eye!

I can't believe I only have three weeks left of school.  I feel like I have so many ideas I still want to do with my students but I'm running out of time.  I always feel like I need to be a better planner but after twenty years, I don't see much chance of changing, but I can always hope, can't I?